


One Light in the Darkness

by oldmountainsoul



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Female Friendship, First Meetings, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Emotional Abuse, Internal Conflict, Light Side Jaesa Willsaam - Freeform, Light Side Sith Warrior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:19:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7238902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldmountainsoul/pseuds/oldmountainsoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaesa finds what she was always looking for in the most unexpected of ways. A re-imagining of her recruitment on Hutta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Light in the Darkness

Hutta is a vile place; it’s habitable, and the air no worse than that on its moon, Nar Shaddaa. At least it’s breathable. Though the noxious gases of the swamp are making her lightheaded, unsettling her stomach and making the trek to the safehouse that much harder.

 

Or at least, that’s what she tells herself as she trudges through the swamp to find Master Karr. It’s just the air here--not the fact that Jaesa hasn’t heard from her master since he left to duel a Sith Lord hours ago, or that she has disobeyed Master Karr’s direct orders. It certainly has nothing to do with the possibility that if Darth Baras has indeed struck down her master, she’s walking into all but certain death.

 

It’s just the air here, Jaesa tells herself. It’s just the air here, and it is _decidedly_ worse than that of Nar Shaddaa, she thinks, even as her stomach drops into her boots at the sight of Imperial soldiers guarding the door between her and Master Karr.

 

Jaesa reaches for her lightsaber, ready to knock them off their feet and leap into the fray as soon as they begin to fire--

 

Except they don’t.

 

Instead, their arms are raised in a salute, falling into line and clearing her a path into the depths of the warehouse. As if they’ve been expecting her.

 

As if she’s an honored guest, not the apprentice of the man they’ve been sent to kill.

 

Jaesa grips her saber tighter, her hands shaking with apprehension, but still she holds her head high as she passes through their ranks.

 

“I am Jaesa Willsaam, Padawan of the Jedi Order, and I have come for my master, Sith,” she announces. If the Sith want her so badly, they can _come and get her._ She’s _done_ hiding and running away.

 

 _Light_ and _hope_ flicker up in the Force in reply, and Jaesa’s heart catches in her throat.

 

She can do this.

 

_She can do this._

 

“I’m so sorry we had to meet this way, Jaesa,” the Sith says sadly, standing up from her place resting against the wall.

 

That’s… not what she was expecting to hear.

 

Nothing about the Sith is what Jaesa expected.

 

The Sith is no giant masked monster--just a young Pureblood woman, too small for the armor she wears, all jagged edges and scrawny limbs and wide red eyes.

 

 _How old is she?_ The Sith can’t be older than Ashara, and Ashara’s younger than _Jaesa_ is.

 

“ _Stupid child,_ you fell right into Baras’s trap, how _dare_ you disobey me--” another voice snaps, and Jaesa flinches, pulled out of her thoughts.

 

 _“_ Master Karr? _”_ Jaesa says incredulously. Her master is alive, cuffed to a chair in the corner of the room. He’s ghastly pale; his eyes are glowing red as he glares at her.

 

“What have they--” she whirls on the Sith-- “What have _you_ done to him?” This can’t be her master, the master who always wanted what was best for her, who kept her safe, who always acted for her own good--

 

The Sith falters, gesturing helplessly, and Jaesa senses a flash of regret. “I... I don’t know what happened to him. I just wanted to _talk_ but he kept attacking and attacking me and then he just-- he just wouldn’t stop until he collapsed. I’m sorry.”

 

“Enough _talk,_ Jaesa! Do you really think you can believe a Sith’s lies? You foolish, ungrateful child, just _finish_ her already!” Master Karr shouts, thrashing against his bonds.

 

“Please, don’t,” the Sith says softly, glancing back at Karr and then back to her, staring into her eyes and pleading for Jaesa to stay her hand. “I just want to talk with you.”

 

Jaesa recoils, feeling the malice rolling off of her master, and in spite of herself she feels something akin to sympathy. For a Sith, of all people.

 

Everything is wrong, backwards-- This isn’t--this isn’t the way she had thought this would go.

 

But Master Karr is alive. And she is unharmed. That has to count for something, doesn’t it?

 

She clenches her fists, nails digging into her palms as she forces herself to breathe. The Sith just wants to talk with her. That is what everyone, except Master Karr, has told her. Master Yonlach, Volryder, and Ulldin had all relayed that message. And Master Karr has always tried to keep it from her. Had tried to keep _everything_ from her, while the people she loved were in danger. Had isolated her, condescended to her, kept her from anything that would interfere with his great plans for her. Why should she listen to him?

 

_The Sith just wants to talk with her._

 

And before all _this,_ before Master Karr had intervened, that is what _Jaesa_ had wanted, too.

 

“Please, Jaesa. I don’t want to fight you.”

 

“Enough of your quibbling, child! It is your _duty_ as a Jedi to destroy her, Jaesa!”

 

_Why can’t anyone just let her decide for herself?_

 

“I don’t recall hearing that in the Code,” Jaesa snaps, clenching her jaw. “But it _is_ my duty to root out corruption within the Order. Isn’t that what you trained me for, Master? Perhaps I should have looked at who _you_ really are before allowing you to lead me on a witch hunt across the galaxy, Master Karr.”

 

And with that she clasps her hands together, closes her eyes, and lets herself truly see.

 

 _Malice. Hate. Anger. Vengeance. Deceit._ Master Karr’s heart is as despicable as any she has ever encountered. It weighs on her, threatens to drag her down with him, sweep her away in the sheer _awfulness_ of it--

 

But this is not her heart, her fall, her story.

 

She need only open her eyes.

 

And as quickly as they came to overwhelm her, the feelings dissipate, leaving Jaesa alone with her own inner turmoil. Master Karr had _used_ her, just like her parents and Lady Giselle before him. Is that all the Jedi were, lies and deception pretending at moral superiority? Is this all she’s good for, is this how she is to spend her life, nothing more than a tool to vindicate all the petty grudges of the galaxy?

 

She wants to scream, she wants to fall to her knees and cry, she wants to _tear him apart_ because _how dare he,_ how dare he give her something to believe in and then just take it all away. She thought the Jedi would be different. She thought that _she_ could make a difference.

 

But all of it was a lie. All of it was for _nothing._ And people she cares about have suffered the consequences, because Master Karr’s grudge has brought _this Sith_ to her--

 

The Sith who is a pawn, just like she is, serving a vindictive master’s vengeance for him, just as Jaesa has. The Sith, who has chased Jaesa across the galaxy, just to _speak_ with her.

 

And Jaesa doesn’t even know her name.

 

“You say you just want to talk with me, but how can I possibly trust anything you have to say?”

 

How can she trust _anyone_ when she can’t even trust the Jedi?

 

“She’s a _Sith,_ Jaesa, of course she can’t be trusted!”

 

“Master Karr, you are in no position whatsoever to tell me who I can and cannot trust. I’m _done_ listening to you,” Jaesa says through gritted teeth. She reaches out into the Force, and with a touch of ‘ _Sleep,’_ Nomen Karr slumps forward in his seat, out like a light.

 

The Sith shakes her head, and can’t seem to bring herself to look Jaesa in the eye. “I can’t ask you to trust me. That... that wouldn’t be fair to you. I’ve certainly given you no reason to. I just--I just want to put an end to this. And maybe, maybe together we could find a way to stop all this fighting. I don’t want to fight you. I don’t want to fight anyone.”

 

Jaesa laughs, hollow and bitter. “Do you really expect me to believe that, after you’ve hunted down everyone I love and chased me across half the galaxy?”

 

“No, I--I don’t expect you to believe me. I haven’t--I’ve tried to avoid doing harm, but… I am a Sith, and Sith do terrible things. You don’t--you don’t have to believe me, Jaesa. You can know for yourself.” The Sith falls to her knees, and now she looks up with sad and hopeful eyes, forcing herself to meet Jaesa’s gaze.

 

“I take full responsibility for my actions, Master Jedi. I submit myself to your judgement.”

 

No one, _no one_ has ever offered themselves up to her judgement before. And for a moment, Jaesa is struck dumb with that realization. The Sith is the first, and the _only_ person who hasn’t asked anything of her, expects nothing from her, and who has not only _not_ objected to her gaze but _welcomed_ it.

 

“I… Very well, Sith. I will judge you for myself,” Jaesa says, and then she closes her eyes.

 

_Pain--so much pain, endless, staggering, unending pain--_

 

_So many years, fighting for her life, unable to rest, to sleep, to stop for just one moment or they will know, they will hurt her again--_

 

_Fear that never goes away, even though they can no longer hurt her--_

 

_Loss and it aches and it aches--_

 

_Loneliness, oh so many years alone in the dark and the rain and so very very afraid--_

 

_Sadness at the lives she couldn’t save. Why can’t they believe her? Why won’t they just leave her be? She doesn’t want to fight she doesn’t want to fight she doesn’t want to fight--_

 

_Shame._

 

_Regret._

 

_...Hope._

 

_Friends._

 

_Mercy._

 

_Love._

 

_Compassion._

 

_Light, so much light--_

 

Light and light and light and light, not in the absence of darkness, but in spite of the abundance of it.

 

No lies, no masks, no walls--

 

Only light, so much of it that it makes Jaesa’s heart ache and she _wants,_ she wants so very badly--

 

She opens her eyes, blinking back tears as she sinks to her knees.

 

“Who _are_ you?” she says, biting back a sob.

 

“... Kara. My name is Kara,” the Sith replies, bemused. “Jaesa, are you alright?”

 

Jaesa sniffles, choking out a laugh. “Never better… Thank you, thank you for showing me that, Kara.”

 

“... Can I ask you what you saw?” Kara asks, hesitant, hopeful.

 

Jaesa beams as if all the light is pouring out of her as she takes Kara’s hand in hers.

 

  
“I saw everything I have ever hoped to be.”  


End file.
